This was partly written in 2015 when I bought the book and partly written on Nov. 14, 2020 when I decided to begin this blog.
Day 2 of the book The Write Brain (see my first post "Here we go..."for full title)
Resolution Revolution (title given in the book)
New Year’s resolutions are an excuse for me to dream up "an ideal life". There is something magical about the concept of a new and fresh start. How or what you do is totally up to you. You have a metaphorical clean slate. Nothing can stop you from exploring all the options. The new year and all of its celebrations is also, for me, completely romantic. More romantic than any other time of year. The darkness, the snow, dim lights, shimmering skin from the sparkling make-up we wear with our new year’s eve outfits and, of course, the dancing. Ok, these days, there isn’t much dancing but there used to be. You remember don’t you? My parents would get all dressed up. My mom would take out her fur coat, it was the 80’s they had fur coats. Hers was a long black coat with big puffy sleeves that were striped black and white. My dad would put on a really sharp suit and let me and my sister pick out his tie. One of my favourites was a black tie with a white line sketch of John Lennon’s glasses and Yoko Ono’s hair. I thought it was the coolest. My mom carried her shoes in a small shoe bag and when she got to the hall, in this case a Knights of Columbus hall, she took off her winter boots placed them on the floor under her fur coat in the coat check and slid into her patent leather heels. Then they went inside. The room is set up with tables along all the walls, there are some plastic Christmas decorations here and there. Every table has those cardboard New Year's hats and a few noise makers to use at midnight. The music is loud, the drinks are served in plastic glasses. The options are limited; beer, rye, gin, vodka, one type of red wine and one type of white wine. The bar tender pours in the alcohol, the mix is over to the side. You do that yourself. The DJ plays a mix of 80’s pop and yacht rock and some country. The slow songs are usually country songs and when they play couples move around the dance floor. It’s lovely. We don’t do that anymore.
That romance mixed with the nostalgia I feel and the potential in the air ushers in the loneliness. Turbulent time the new year.
These days that turbulence is paralyzing. Over and over again I think about all the things I should be doing. To be honest, I should myself to death. Wasn’t I supposed to have learned something amazing this year of 2020, the year I turned 40? I fear I have wasted my time. “As if you could kill time without injuring eternity.” Isn’t that what that Thoreau fellow said? Oh well, it looks like I’ll get another chance. Another wave is rising and hitting the shore hard. I can either get to higher ground or be swept into the sea.
p.s. I read Walden by that Thoreau fellow in March during peak lock down and frankly it’s overrated.